The first weeks after the bichin was born, we obviously lived in a haze. He was definitely not one of those unicorn babies that just slept the whole time and after a few nights with very few sleep we just changed into zombies with dark circles until under our knees. The lack of sleep, the breastfeeding that didn´t really work resulting in me feeding him for hours with only an hour break in between (also during the night), the fact that he didn´t gain enough weight, not knowing why he was crying this time… being a new mom is freaking hard! But then in those first weeks, some other mom will tell you that it will get better, around 6-8 weeks it will all get better, you will find some kind of rhythm and he will sleep better etc. So, despite being completely sleep deprived and wondering whether you´re going insane, you know there is light at the end of the tunnel because it will all get better in a few weeks, right?
But then you get at the 6-8weeks and it´s actually not much better. And suddenly, the other moms tell you to wait until the baby is 3 or 4 months old because then it will really all get better. Ok, you can do this, a few more months and it will all get better, if that´s what more experienced moms say, it will be true right? You keep going, the black circles under your eyes seem to be permanently tattooed on your face by now and where before you still cared about the fact that you didn´t shower very often or looked awesome, now you have just given up. You just need to get to these 3-4 months.
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You get to the 3-4months, maybe you have established a little bit of rhythm by now, maybe your baby is sleeping a bit better… Or, maybe not. And if not, you might feel like you´re doing something wrong because hey, the other moms told you it would be better now right? By now, the other moms tell you not to worry, by 6 months you will really notice a difference, everything will be so much easier by 6 months.
When you get to 6 months you start feeling like you´re the odd one out, because you don´t even know what a rhythm is and the sleeping might have gotten a little better but this baby is still waking up a lot of times. And you already missed two “mom deadlines” before, so you´re probably not doing everything right.
By now, the other moms tell you that with 9 months it will all be so much better. And suddenly you realize, it´s a pattern. Because at 9 months, they will tell you that a year is the crucial point. Everything is supposed to get better at some point in the future, but that point is always changing and it seems impossible to get there. And yes, you notice things are changing and some things might get a little better, but for every win there seem to be 3 new challenges coming into your life.
Maybe it´s mom code to tell new moms it will all get better, just for stopping us to go crazy in that first year. And yes, we might need a lifeguard from keeping us from drowning during that first year but let´s just be honest to each other: it´s freaking hard, yes some things might get easier over time but babies are not machines so every baby is taking his or her sweet time. Also, where something gets easier, every age presents its own new challenges. By setting specific times, it feels like you´re failing if it doesn´t get better when you reach that point. So let´s change the mom code a bit and just agree that it´s hard by offering a big glass of wine and let the new mom vent her frustration, desperation, and tears for a little before she´s ready to put her unwashed hair back into a mom bun to keep kicking ass at this new mom gig thingy.
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