After becoming a mom, a lot changes in your life. A. LOT. And most people realize that however, there are some things that only fellow moms will understand and nobody else.
If there´s one word I don´t like to have in my dictionary, it would probably be vulnerable, I simply hate showing my vulnerable side. So as a young girl I already mastered the art of hiding my true feeling and I was a champ at talking about your drama´s but would definitely not get into too much detail about my own. Letting people come too close meant they could really hurt me, and since I don´t like being hurt I decided to just keep up a very strong wall to prevent that from happening. I wanted to be a strong person and so that´s who I decided to be and no matter what happened, they wouldn´t get me down, I would keep going. I was resilient and would not show my weak sides.
The first weeks after the bichin was born, we obviously lived in a haze. He was definitely not one of those unicorn babies that just slept the whole time and after a few nights with very few sleep we just changed into zombies with dark circles until under our knees. The lack of sleep, the breastfeeding that didn´t really work resulting in me feeding him for hours with only an hour break in between (also during the night), the fact that he didn´t gain enough weight, not knowing why he was crying this time… being a new mom is freaking hard! But then in those first weeks, some other mom will tell you that it will get better, around 6-8 weeks it will all get better, you will find some kind of rhythm and he will sleep better etc. So, despite being completely sleep deprived and wondering whether you´re going insane, you know there is light at the end of the tunnel because it will all get better in a few weeks, right?
Becoming a parent is probably one of the most life-changing experiences one can have. Literally EVERYTHING changes and your life won´t be the same anymore (for good and for bad). No matter how many books you read (we probably all know “what to expect” but my all-time favourite is this one , too bad it´s for the dads!) or with how many friends you talk, there are certain things you will only realize after becoming a mom.
It´s almost 6 months ago that I stopped breastfeeding. After stopping, the only random thought I often have is that now I understand why people keep going for years and years because honestly, what you´re left with after stopping is a pretty sad situation. Yes, you have your “freedom” back: no more pumping machines, no more looking at the clock to see if a tiny glass of wine is allowed, no more feeding or pumping schedules making your working life quite a logistical nightmare… But where a lot of people say “you have your body back”, I am not sure I agree, because that part of my body is almost non-existent now!